Words Were Her Currency

It has been a little over two and a half years since my mother uttered these words: And long after her editorial career was over, words continued to be her currency. She was dictating her obituary to me. Certainly a position neither one of us had discussed, nor expected to be in; but there we were. Her, half sitting-half lying in the hospital bed; me, hunched over, scribbling madly on pink hospital paper that outlined instructions we would never use. Her sharp decline in health left us all with no time to prepare; least of all, my mom. Fumbling around blindly in an ocean of emotions and medical jargon that mostly made no sense, we all tried to get through each moment, together, as best as we could. One day that meant chocolate shakes, another was playing some of mom’s favorite songs while she rested; yet another was my sister-in-law leading us in bedside prayer. We all do what we can in these circumstances. It was not perfect, it was not easy, and it was the single-most heart wrenching thing I have experienced.

Looking back, there are one thousand and one things I wish I had asked. But I didn’t. I wasn’t in the mindset to organize my thoughts, or prioritize what to ask mom so she could help me fill in the gaps; I didn’t even have paper or a pen with me. Mostly, I just was worried that I would seem selfish . . . I mean, how could I be thinking about me, and my needs at a time like this?

I am writing now, with my mother’s voice tapping me on the shoulder; words, currency. Her love of writing inspires me every day; and her ability to transport her reader to the very heart and soul of what she wrote about, is what I aspire to.

I’ve yet to chart a clear path forward in terms of what exactly I wish to write about; mom would likely say, “Whatever you do, just write with conviction, and for God’s sake, mind your grammar and use spell check”! My father, a speech and communications professor, more than certainly would have had the same advice. I have a work-in-progress compilation of short stories about my life experiences that will one day become my memoir. I have two works of fiction in various stages of thought and progress. I have started a children’s book series. I also have a jumbled assortment of recipes from my varied culinary experiences over the last thirty years. As well, since losing my mom in October of 2021, I have written numerous pieces detailing my journey with my omnipresent companion, grief. And I have one of my most prized treasures from my mom; her columns from her editorial days at the now defunct Courier and Freeman, in our hometown of Potsdam, NY.

So, after laying the above groundwork, I guess I should say, “Words are my currency, too; do stay tuned if you wish”.